I have a question when your friend marries someone does their spouse receive full disclosure about all of YOUR stories and life events because they are married? Am I asking them to betray their spouse if they DON'T tell them all my gory details?
I am of the mind set that life is for the living.
Once turning 35 and having "the chat" with the gynecologist I have decided to change a few things.
I had been on a bit of a sexual hiatus...... thinking that if I waited that the "right guy" would come. That perhaps I had mucked things up by other idiotic choices I had made. I am sure you have seen the movie "he's just no that into you" I could relate!
Well I had been waiting a while and he hadn't shown up yet! I was also getting to the point that I really don't even care if he ever shows up because some of the shit my friends are dealing with......... I am happy to not!
So after this biological chit chat with Dr. M and the idea that I could just pick out a father for my child out of a donor book, I had decided that I needed to trade that notion of "waiting on the sex" in for a new one.
My new take, life is short and precious!!
It is for the living so..... LIVE!!!
I also started to realize as I had found my first gray "downstairs" and a solo black whisker on my chinnnie chin chin that I too was AGING ( I swear I just graduated high school myself)!
So I got to thinking that damn there could be a point when no one even wanted to sleep with me or even find me attractive?! With that thought I decided that whenever sex presented itself I would decide if I wanted to or not and if I did, I would!!
With this new found ideal system in place, I have had some new PRs(personal records)! In 2009 I have been with my youngest and my oldest. Also I am becoming quite the world traveler in the bedroom! "getting around" the world if you know what I mean ;). It has been MUCH fun and in most cases a healthy experience.
In short I have been livin la vida loca! and actually lovin it!
So when I am sharing my stories and they are quite eager to hear them and each and every gory detail to which I of course indulge. Should I have been asking them to NOT tell their husbands? or am I wrong to have thought they just would have known that some things and items aren't up for public consumption? I don't know? Have I over-shared? If I cant share my life with my friends are they my friends?
Monday, December 28, 2009
people say stupid shit and sometimes they are your parents!
It is accepted that people say stupid shit. We all deal with it and move on but what about if that stupid shit comes out of the mouth of your parents?
This week alone I have heard two things, one from each of my parents. Dad's comment is far more idiotic?
So it is the holiday season and it seems as though every movie you have ever wanted to see is out NOW!! I called my Dad up to see if he wanted to see "Invictus" it is playing at our local mall at 4:30. He loves to go to the movies this will be something nice we can do together!
I should tell you that I wouldn't be opposed to enforcing STRICT rules at the movies. For example, if you are late sorry no admittance. If you are making too much noise once inside you are removed (I'm all for a trick door that drops the person in a dumpster). If you believe you should talk through a movie, well you should only rent movies and stay home.
I get to the movie theatre with 15 minutes before the show, no Dad. 5 minutes before the show is to start...no Dad. I call " where are you?"
"I'm on the elevator I will be right there! DON'T buy tickets I wanna buy them with my card so I can get the points". "Hurry up I don't like to be late". click.
8 minutes later he arrives as though the place is just waiting for his arrival to start the movie.
He goes to the box office to get the tickets. I hear him say "2 senior tickets for Inviciticus".
What the hell is he doing? 2 senior tickets? Who are the 2 seniors? He is 55 does that even count as a senior? and I sure as hell am NOT a senior, I'm only 35! Damn anything to save a few bucks. Doesn't he realize I am a teacher in this community? A beacon for all that is good in our society? I have students that work here, they cant see me with my movie scammin father! Damn I didn't think this through.
Dad hands the ticket taker the tickets, with an ear to ear grin! His scam worked again! I tell him to stop doing that shit when I am with him that I don't want to be know for his scam artist ways.
Oddly he views this as quite humorous and even jealously, as though I am jealous that I didn't think of this plan and that somehow I had been paying FULL price for tickets all this time when the secret to a cheaper price was right under my nose.
I tell him I have got to run into the bathroom. I am sure this is some sort of neurosis on my part that I will feel as though I have to go to the restroom while the movie is going on. I go, he goes. I come out he is no where to be found? I head into the theatre thinking this idea I had as quality time is really turning out to be a pain in the ass.
I look for him inside, the previews have started and now I am that asshole who is looking for a seat. I find one quickly and sit down. Where is he?????????
He walks in I wave my hand as quickly as I can and sending him mind bullets that I am over here!!! I know if it goes on too long he will just yell out my name. THANKFULLY he sees me!
He comes over and I am not sure why? But it takes him a good 1/2 of a preview to PARK-IT!
The classic Wherenberg theatres themes song plays and my Dad starts into this fake whistling thing he does. It isn't a true whistle it really is him blowing air through his teeth, in theory this sounds like it would be a whistle, but its not its just irritating sound kinda like having a window cracked while driving on the interstate. I give my Dad one of my teacher looks ( they do come naturally) he starts laughing "what I cant whistle?"
"NOT in the movies"
he laughs some more and then says " I don't know where I got you?"
to which I have to say "me either but PLEASE send me back".
The movie starts, the movie is boring. I hear snoring, I look to my right, yep its my Dad. I hit his leg. He gives me his famous "what are you doing I wasn't sleeping" look this is a regular look to receive from him, just ask my sisters!
My Dad suffers from narcolepsy although he would NEVER know it, admit it or see a doctor for it. Seriously he once fell asleep at a stoplight at a major intersection. The light went through two cycles before there was a cop knocking at his window. The cop asked him what was going on? If he had had anything to drink? To which my Dad responded "nope just trying to catch a little nap while I was waiting"
So he stays awake for a bit. I hear snoring again I look over and then whisper "if you need to take a nap GO HOME".
His response was taking a can of coke out of his pants pocket and cracking it open! He is laughing again and asks me if I wanna have some that he brought it for us to share. He then asks me "did you bring the candy?" Once again the teacher look comes out.
The movie ends we walk out and I have to use the bathroom again (this was a 2 hour movie?). I come out he is waiting for me this time. (apparently earlier he thought the movie was in one of the back theatres because only the "shitty movies really shitty movies" are in the first 3 theatres. So we are standing there discussing the movie. I hated it and thought it was boring and he thought it wasn't that bad. To which I tell him well if you slept through half of it I could see why someone wouldn't think it was soo bad. He again laughs at me and says "god I don't know where I got you".
He then goes on to tell me "you look kinda cute today".
This phrase hits me with many thoughts I look kinda, kinda cute today? as in comparison with the other days when I looked plain hideous? What the hell do you mean? What are you saying? and who says this shit to anyone much less their own daughter?
So I say "Dad you mean I look cute today just like I do everyday?"
he says "no you don't always look cute but today you KINDA do look cute" He doesn't get my point at all he then says well what time is it? I guess I'm gonna sneak into another movie! Why just see one when you can see 2 for the price of one!"
This week alone I have heard two things, one from each of my parents. Dad's comment is far more idiotic?
So it is the holiday season and it seems as though every movie you have ever wanted to see is out NOW!! I called my Dad up to see if he wanted to see "Invictus" it is playing at our local mall at 4:30. He loves to go to the movies this will be something nice we can do together!
I should tell you that I wouldn't be opposed to enforcing STRICT rules at the movies. For example, if you are late sorry no admittance. If you are making too much noise once inside you are removed (I'm all for a trick door that drops the person in a dumpster). If you believe you should talk through a movie, well you should only rent movies and stay home.
I get to the movie theatre with 15 minutes before the show, no Dad. 5 minutes before the show is to start...no Dad. I call " where are you?"
"I'm on the elevator I will be right there! DON'T buy tickets I wanna buy them with my card so I can get the points". "Hurry up I don't like to be late". click.
8 minutes later he arrives as though the place is just waiting for his arrival to start the movie.
He goes to the box office to get the tickets. I hear him say "2 senior tickets for Inviciticus".
What the hell is he doing? 2 senior tickets? Who are the 2 seniors? He is 55 does that even count as a senior? and I sure as hell am NOT a senior, I'm only 35! Damn anything to save a few bucks. Doesn't he realize I am a teacher in this community? A beacon for all that is good in our society? I have students that work here, they cant see me with my movie scammin father! Damn I didn't think this through.
Dad hands the ticket taker the tickets, with an ear to ear grin! His scam worked again! I tell him to stop doing that shit when I am with him that I don't want to be know for his scam artist ways.
Oddly he views this as quite humorous and even jealously, as though I am jealous that I didn't think of this plan and that somehow I had been paying FULL price for tickets all this time when the secret to a cheaper price was right under my nose.
I tell him I have got to run into the bathroom. I am sure this is some sort of neurosis on my part that I will feel as though I have to go to the restroom while the movie is going on. I go, he goes. I come out he is no where to be found? I head into the theatre thinking this idea I had as quality time is really turning out to be a pain in the ass.
I look for him inside, the previews have started and now I am that asshole who is looking for a seat. I find one quickly and sit down. Where is he?????????
He walks in I wave my hand as quickly as I can and sending him mind bullets that I am over here!!! I know if it goes on too long he will just yell out my name. THANKFULLY he sees me!
He comes over and I am not sure why? But it takes him a good 1/2 of a preview to PARK-IT!
The classic Wherenberg theatres themes song plays and my Dad starts into this fake whistling thing he does. It isn't a true whistle it really is him blowing air through his teeth, in theory this sounds like it would be a whistle, but its not its just irritating sound kinda like having a window cracked while driving on the interstate. I give my Dad one of my teacher looks ( they do come naturally) he starts laughing "what I cant whistle?"
"NOT in the movies"
he laughs some more and then says " I don't know where I got you?"
to which I have to say "me either but PLEASE send me back".
The movie starts, the movie is boring. I hear snoring, I look to my right, yep its my Dad. I hit his leg. He gives me his famous "what are you doing I wasn't sleeping" look this is a regular look to receive from him, just ask my sisters!
My Dad suffers from narcolepsy although he would NEVER know it, admit it or see a doctor for it. Seriously he once fell asleep at a stoplight at a major intersection. The light went through two cycles before there was a cop knocking at his window. The cop asked him what was going on? If he had had anything to drink? To which my Dad responded "nope just trying to catch a little nap while I was waiting"
So he stays awake for a bit. I hear snoring again I look over and then whisper "if you need to take a nap GO HOME".
His response was taking a can of coke out of his pants pocket and cracking it open! He is laughing again and asks me if I wanna have some that he brought it for us to share. He then asks me "did you bring the candy?" Once again the teacher look comes out.
The movie ends we walk out and I have to use the bathroom again (this was a 2 hour movie?). I come out he is waiting for me this time. (apparently earlier he thought the movie was in one of the back theatres because only the "shitty movies really shitty movies" are in the first 3 theatres. So we are standing there discussing the movie. I hated it and thought it was boring and he thought it wasn't that bad. To which I tell him well if you slept through half of it I could see why someone wouldn't think it was soo bad. He again laughs at me and says "god I don't know where I got you".
He then goes on to tell me "you look kinda cute today".
This phrase hits me with many thoughts I look kinda, kinda cute today? as in comparison with the other days when I looked plain hideous? What the hell do you mean? What are you saying? and who says this shit to anyone much less their own daughter?
So I say "Dad you mean I look cute today just like I do everyday?"
he says "no you don't always look cute but today you KINDA do look cute" He doesn't get my point at all he then says well what time is it? I guess I'm gonna sneak into another movie! Why just see one when you can see 2 for the price of one!"
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